Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just found a bag of teeth...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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