I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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