New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
