As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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