Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the day after is always just damage control
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
