I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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