She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
