I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
