Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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