Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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