I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Terrible idea I love it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
