I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
