I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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