Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
