Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
