That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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