Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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