I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
