I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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