Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
