I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
