My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize