I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
