I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
