she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
