I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
