I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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