were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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