I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
