you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
