the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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