my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
