My nipple is on Facebook.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
