you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
as a side note pls kill me
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize