the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
