whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
