I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
