oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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