the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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