WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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