she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
