The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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