If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
