i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Never joke about your clitoris.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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