i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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