It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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