Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
