hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
false alarm, still single
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
