I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
