Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
