I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
