I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
