oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
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as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
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I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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