I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
