I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
