I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
