I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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