Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
