apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
