Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
