i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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