dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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