i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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