So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
