apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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