Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
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Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
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We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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