this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
