Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
