I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
