"it" just moved
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
