he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
