Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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