my phone needs a breathalizer
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
