Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
