So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My pussy is not your playground.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
