I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
