While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
