Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
