threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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