I'm really into asian looking animals
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
