totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
