So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I will pee on everything he values.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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