Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Having a random hookup so left but love u
thus making me awesome and them whores
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
