He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
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I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
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So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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